I cockslap morals
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
