i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
