I love black thongs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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