playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
