I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
