so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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