how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
whose parrot is this?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
