I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
