I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
