We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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