I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
