Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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