I just threw up on my dentist
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
