He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
