We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
