I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
