I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
