My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
