i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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