i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
