I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We named our party play list daddy issues
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
