I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
