She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
