Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
