): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
