The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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