Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
