We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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