I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
