This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
