her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
