need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
