I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
