i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
