I skipped work to stalk him.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
