woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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