some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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