my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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