I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's the barista slut.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
