Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
