I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
