I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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