I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
