So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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