I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
