not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
