your room smells of hookers.
And success
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to sanitize my soul.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
