If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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