Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
