The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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