I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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