It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
