Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My bed smells like the plague
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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