Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
