i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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