i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
